got woke up by mom's screaming at me. she loves to scream at me when i'm sleeping. maybe she likes to scream at sleeping ppl.
it's depressing. after all that i've done, it shows NOTHING. i'm just proving myself to be an idiot in the family. i'm the useless and heartless one. according to her, i dun care about how she and my sister feels. i dun give care and concern to them. wtf. WHO TAKES CARE OF MY SIS WHEN SHE'S IN HOSPITAL WITH ALL HER NONSENSICAL PROBLEMS?! WHO IS THE ONE WHO FEELS PAIN FOR MY SIS WHEN SHE FELL DOWN AND SCRATCHED HALF OF HER FACE ON THE ROAD? WHO IS THE ONE WHO APPLIES MEDICIAL CREAM FOR HER? AT DINNERS, WHO IS THE ONE WHO KEPT BRINGING FOOD TO MY SIS? WHO IS THE ONE WHO SAVES FOOD THAT SHE LIKES FOR HER? AND WHO IS THE ONE WHO STAYS UP THE WHOLE NIGHT TO ENSURE THAT MY MOM DOESNT DIE OVERNIGHT? WHO IS THE ONE WHO ACCOMPANY HER TO THE HOSPITAL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STAY THERE UNTIL 5 AM AND IMMEDIATELY GOES BACK TO SCHOOL WITHOUT ANY SLEEP AFTER THAT? WHO IS THE ONE WHO RUSHES BACK HALF WAY THRU LESSONS TO FIND HER SITTING ON THE FLOOR WITH EMPTIED MEDICIAN BOTTLES?

oh great. she's the only one who's hurt and sad. the only one who's dwelling on SELF-PITY.
so did anybody ever give a thought to how I FEEL?! am i not human or wat? thru all the rubbish and nonsense at home, i have to try to do well in school. my mugging attitude is conditioned from all these exciting events that happen in my life. i wan to prove that i can do it better den everyone else. i wan to prove myself to be more successful in life. and u just have to screw my life up. i've done all that i can. and it proves NOTHING to u.
i'm not only a failure in relationships. i'm a failure in my life. i dun understand why i tried so hard. but i'm just not given wat i wan. and some ppl just take their happy family and good results for granted. so life is THIS fair to me.

if not for him, i would have commit suicide and die long ago. which doesnt sound too bad either. who gives a damn anyway.